


Red Cross

by Empatheia



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Reality, Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-26
Updated: 2006-05-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 00:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empatheia/pseuds/Empatheia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ultimate blood donors learn the hard way never to cross a Quincy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Cross

Silence.

Very awkward silence.

Very, _very_ awkward silence, broken occasionally by the sounds of messy chewing. That would be Ganju, who was clearly a pig.

"Would you please chew with your mouth shut?" Ishida snapped, finally losing it and glaring at Ganju through his glasses. "Just because it's the first food you've had in however long doesn't mean you have to be disgusting about eating it."

Ichigo and Renji stared at him, then looked back apprehensively at Ganju. Ishida suddenly got the feeling he hadn't said the smartest thing.

Ganju paused, then very carefully laid down his __bento__ and leaned forwards into Ishida's face. "You got a bone to pick with me, pipsqueak?"

Once again, Ishida's mouth ran away... with the spoon, over the moon. "No... but you could really use a bone to pick your teeth."

"Shee- _it,_ " Renji breathed as Ganju stood up. "Dumbass is in for it now."

"I am merely endorsing good table manners," Ishida primly explained.

"Dude," Ichigo muttered out of the side of his mouth. "There is no table. We're sitting on the ground."

"Technicality."

"Technicality _this!_ " Ganju growled, hauling Ishida to his feet and glaring into his face. "I don't let nobody but my sister tell me what to do, and you don't look much like her."

"Of course not, I have _two_ arms." Immediately Ishida wished he could swallow the words, but even with Ganju's slow brain it was far too late.

The implications registered with Ganju a few seconds later.

_POW!_

Ishida went flying. As he soared, he thought bemusedly: _I suppose I deserved that, just a little.  
_

He landed with a crunching thud a few meters away.

 _I'm angry now. It was a nasty comment, to be sure, but he didn't have to rupture my spleen. He_ — _and the other two, now that I think of it_ — _are always lording it over me with their brute strength. Just because I have no power right now. It isn't fair and I won't stand for it!_

Feeling much better now that he'd made a positive decision, Ishida stood up shakily, glared reproachfully at the smirking trio, and tottered off.

_So. I've decided that they will pay for my constant humiliation. But now what? I don't have any power, that's the whole point. And even if I did, with the way they can take mortal wounds, lose half their blood, and still recover, it wouldn't do much good. In the face of their indestructability, I'm helpless. Damn._

He went home to nurse his wounds in comforting solitude. Or so he thought.

"Uryuu- _kuunn!_ "

 _Oh no. Please, no._ He turned around and made as if to walk right back out again, but the damage was already done. _Oh, woe. Woe is me. Why dost thou hate me so, oh dastardly gods?_

"Ooh, haven't seen you in _ages!_ How are you? Hey, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Who hurt you? Did you get in a fight? Did you fall? Are you all right? Where does it hurt? Hmm, where'd I put my kit...?"

"No! Honestly, Kara, I'm fine. A friend of mine got a little boisterous during a conversation, that's all. I'll live."

His cousin was short, bubbly, and quite mad. Her black hair was spiky, but currently rather limp-looking and hanging in her wide, bright eyes. She worked for the blood bank and had a disturbing infatuation with needles, the bigger the better. Any excuse she could find to use them on other people was like a gift from heaven to her.

_Get me out of here. Anyone. Please.  
_

"Come on, just let me have a look! It won't hurt much, I promise!"

"Won't hurt... _much?_ "

"Ooh, that reminds me. You haven't given blood in like, _ever_. Don't you know that you could be saving people's lives every time you go? Come on! Be a man!"

"If I lose any more blood, Kara, I'll fall over. Please just leave it alone?"

The petite monster pouted moodily, crossing her arms and stamping her foot. "We need more blood! Our banks are woefully understocked!"

"Well, I have a limited supply and it's depleted right now! Sorry!"

 _Ding._ He could almost hear the lightbulb appearing over his head in true cartoon fashion.

"Hey, Kara," he said craftily, nudging his glasses with his fingers to hide his smile, "I can't give blood right now, but I know a few... people... who have lots and lots that you could have."

The little woman lit up visibly. "Really! Where? Who? When can I...?"

"They're all staying over at my friend's house tonight. I'll take you over there right now."

Squealing in excitement, Kara snatched up her since-located kit and bounded out the door, looking like nothing so much as a lumpy, eccentrically dressed pogo stick.

Ishida smiled evilly.

**x**

"Ishida, man! Are you all right? Ganju felt really bad about hitting you that hard..."

"I am fine," he snapped, coolly cutting Ichigo off. "I have someone I'd like to introduce you to."

"Uh... all right?"

"Kara, you can come over now."

A small tornado made its messy way across the street to Ichigo's door, smiling manically and clutching a small leather bag. "Hi! I'm Kara! I work for the blood bank!"

Ichigo's eyes widened and an incredibly gratifying expression of panic swept across his face. His hand twitched, clearly longing to slam the door, lock it, and pile all the heavy furniture in front of it. "I hate needles," he said bluntly.

Kara reacted as though she'd been slapped. "But... but... you could save _lives_ ," she breathed tearfully. "There are people every day who need blood or they'll die! What kind of person are you if you refuse to help them? Huh? Answer me!"

"No wonder you're so pale, Ishida," Ichigo muttered. Then, louder: "Sorry, but..."

"I won't take no for an answer!" she bellowed, and seized Ichigo by his lapel.

Ishida watched with deep satisfaction as Ichigo wrestled with himself. Kara was really holding on tight, and it was unlikely he would be able to detach her without hurting her, which of course he couldn't do since she was small and had absolutely no spiritual power to speak of. In addition, he was probably falling for her teary little spiel, being the moralistic dimwit that he was.

_Three... two... one..._

"All right!" Ichigo cried defeatedly, right on time, just as predicted. "I give up! I'll come give you some blood if you promise to leave me alone after that."

"I promise! I promise!" Kara shrieked, overjoyed. "Ishida said you had friends here! Make them come too!"

Ichigo froze and looked as though he was about to cry. Obviously, he'd been selflessly hoping to spare them the torture. That was not going to happen.

"Ichigo, what's up? I hear a stranger's voice... oh, hello!"

 _Good, good!_ Ishida resisted the urge to rub his hands together and cackle.

"This is Renji," Ichigo said. "Ganju is upstairs... oh, never mind, there he is."

"I'm Kara! Nice to meet you! Ichigo's agreed to help me out, so follow me!"

Bewildered, Renji and Ganju trailed behind the foot-dragging Ichigo. "Where are we going?"

"If I tell you, you'll try to run, and I've changed my mind now, I don't want to do this by myself."

"What's that mean?"

"Just... trust me. You don't wanna know."

They piled into Ishida's father's car and he pulled out sedately. The shinigami, ghost, and vizard made a comical sight, crammed into the tiny backseat. Their discomfort made Ishida even happier.

_You'll pay for every comment, every blow, everything you've ever done to hurt me! You'll pay in blood! Literally!_

**x**

"So how's it going in there, Kara?" Ishida asked, lounging in the corridor.

"A _mazing_!" she breathed, stunned. "They make blood almost as fast as I can drain it! I've already taken enough for three people and they show no signs of slowing down! If I didn't know better I'd say they weren't human!"

_Well, they're not. Really. Two are faux bodies and Ichigo is... special._

"Do you think they'd mind if I kept them here overnight, as an experiment? I want to see how much I can take before they reach the line!"

Ishida smiled a small, scary smile and said "Sure, Kara. Keep them as long as you'd like."

**x**

_Two weeks later..._

" _Amazing!_ "

**X**


End file.
